Looking out for your mates beyond 'R U OK?'

(Heads up: this article contains mentions of suicide, depression, stress and substance abuse. Please read carefully.)

Tragically, in 2023, more than 3,000 Australians took their own lives. That’s why suicide prevention initiatives like R U OK? Day are more crucial than ever.

But what happens if you ask a friend 'Are you okay?' and they say no? Where do you go from there? How do you support them until they can honestly say: 'Yeah, I really am okay'?

Everyone struggles differently

There's no single reason why someone might be struggling, and everyone's hard times will look different. Some people withdraw completely from their friends, while others throw themselves into work and social commitments to keep distracted.

Learning to recognise the different patterns in your friends' lives helps you provide better mental health support. If someone you know struggles around a particular anniversary, why not make a note to reach out around that date? Or if you notice your mate is going out every weekend and drinking an unhealthy amount, don't just assume they're having fun - there might be something else going on underneath.

How to help someone by starting small

When life feels out of control, even the most mundane tasks can feel like climbing Everest. So, sometimes the most helpful thing you can do when your friend's going through it is to offer some small-scale, practical support.

Ask: 'What's one small thing that could make today feel even a little better?’

Maybe they need help with a messy house. Maybe they just need some motivation to get out of the house for an hour. Whatever it is, offer to help make it happen. No judgement, no keeping score.

Be the friend who sticks around

Loneliness is on the rise - 15% of Australians say they feel lonely most or all of the time. Combined with a mental health crisis, that sense of isolation can be catastrophic.

We get it - life gets busy and friendships naturally drift, but when someone's having a rough time, they need to know there's someone still standing in their corner. So, keep inviting them to things. And try shooting them a daily text as a regular mental health check. It doesn't need to be the length of War and Peace, and it doesn't need to be too serious. A quick "thinking of you" or a photo of a cute dog at the park can do wonders.

Remember, consistency trumps perfection every time. Your mate just needs to know you haven't written them off.

Know when you're out of your depth

Being a good friend means recognising when your mental health check isn’t enough on its own. You’re not a therapist, and that’s okay. Supporting others starts with looking after yourself.

Instead of trying to be a therapist, why not help your mate access a real one?

Australians wait an average of 12 years before seeking professional mental health support. Some of that comes down to cost and access, but it can also be due to the huge mental load of reaching out. Getting professional support often involves a lot of phone calls, paperwork, and emotionally demanding conversations. Those things can feel impossible in a moment of crisis.

That's where you can step in. If your friend is interested in getting help, you could help them research their options. Or you could be the person who gets them to their appointments on time.

Support each other even in the good times

Connecting with your friends doesn’t have to wait for R U OK? Day to roll around. Catching up regularly isn’t just fun, it’s mental health maintenance.

So why not make it a weekly or monthly friend date? Hit up your local cafe, your local walking trail, or try something new in one of our classes.

After all, mental health support isn’t just about the deep conversations. It’s also about all the ordinary, human moments in between.